3 Reasons why i am glad i was born in the 80’s and not during slavery;
-Slaves could not choose their haircuts, therefore there were NO slaves with flat-tops. I can’t
imagine going through life and not ever having a flat-top haircut.
-There was no Chipotle in antebellum days, and even if there was i dont think masters would
have let slaves go. But maybe slaves would have been making food runs?
-Slaves couldn’t listen to itunes while they were working. Itunes is such a productivity booster.
life without it is almost unimagineable.
4 Reasons why you know your excited about someone coming over your house:
-You pick up those tiny pieces of paper that have been on your floor for like a year and that you
previously thought too inconsequential to tend to
-You scrub behind your ears with soap aggresively while showering thinking “what if she
somehow gets close to my neck?, she is about to hit this wall of pomegranate melon burst
scent”
-You just watch TV pretending to be interested to pass the time til someone gets there.
-You strategically put your phone open faced in any room you go to while waiting. And make
sure you can see it also just in case it vibrates and you don’t hear (so you can see it light up)!
There should be some form of punishment for people who do not thank you for holding a door or elevator open for them. Or women who don’t thank you for letting them off the elevator first as a courtesy. I think it should be a punishment like being pushed in a pile of trash or something or having to put on a wet or sweaty t-shirt (thats the worst feeling)
What is the “splashback ratio” incurred when using a regular urinal versus a toilet? I would think less for the toilet, but exactly how much less?
Why the fuck was i taught algebra, calculus, physics, geometry, etc. throughout high school? I do not use any of that shit in my day to day life. I want my money back. I mean seriously, we should be taught useful shit. Such as cold cut knowledge. Seriously,we need to learn about the variety of cold cuts available at deli’s and somehow we are never taught this! WE just know turkey and ham and pastrami or bologna if we are lucky. But maybe you didn’t know this but there is cappy ham, proscuitto, mortodelo, and all kind of shit. I wish i was taught that so that when i go to a deli i can order it and know my sandwich is gonna be tasty. now its so much of a risk i just stick with what i know. the half ass creative meats: “honey” turkey and “black forest” ham.
I do this and so do you: You pretend and imagine in your head that you are in a movie when you have your ipod on. You could just be walking.. but if your walking to some eminem your about to go kick someones ass (while walking to them) or if its some jay z your on top of the world and rich like scarface (walking). when in reality your broke and haven’t fought in 7 years but your in the mode.
Most underused phrase ever : “Gunwoman!”. You hear “the gunman…” all the time, but never “gunwoman”. Instead they say “the female assailant”. why is this?
The worst possible thing that can happen to you EVER: Trying to open one of those “tear here” resealable packages and it takes forever to rip, but then when you finally get it, the corner rips and the package is still not open. Fucking shredded cheese hooligans!
Things that should be abolished from every gas station:
-Dusty ass cassette tapes (its fucking 2007 and no one knows nor cares where the 69 boys are)
-Those dumb ass sunglass racks that were cool to turn as a kid but still have the same shades
on them form when you were turning them as a kid.
-Dusty ass Vienna Sausages (sitting next to WD40) that i do not even think homeless people
will buy from the gas station to eat.
-American Flag bandanas with tie strings (these should be sold at army and navy stores only and
klan rallies)
And lastly- How selfish is it when you have a “sell by” date on your meat or perishable items instead of a “use by” date?
That always pisses me off. Its very selfish of the supermarkets. Its like they just want to know when they want to get rid of the food by. Its like a code for the stock boys that clues them in to what moldy bread or yellowish chicken to shufle to the top/front. When i get home with the goods, i have no way of determining the time period that may mean the difference between taco night and ecoli!
