Hey Schladies!!! Whats the deal with your Anti social Sunglass revolution? All of you! You know exactly what I am talking about.
I thought this was a passing fad like those velvet chokers in the 7th grade but the problem only seems to be getting worse and I am really concerned and pissed off about it. Everywhere I go no matter the season, 90% of women on the street have 90% of there face covered by gargantuan sunglasses. And its only the good looking ones that do it, but no WAIT, maybe they aren’t good looking ? I cant really tell since I can only see their chin! “Damn, that girl is fine as shit….oh wait hold on… she has a pale chin with a slight indentation. glad I waited to get a closer look”. It looks like fucking robotic space warriors are just casually walking the streets cruising for a pashmina or a low fat latte. I am surprised they can even navigate in those things. It’s like wearing a motorcycle helmet and trying to read an eye chart. Is this an outdoor daft punk concert? Is there some big worldwide game of paintball going on and I am the only person who didn’t get a mask?
If your boyfriend beats you, 
they have telephone numbers for that kind of shit so stop taking cues from all those lifetime movies with titles like “the last string” and thinking sunglasses hide ur problems. If that is not the case, I have no idea what the motivation is? Do you want to check out guys packages without them knowing? Are you really bad at making eye contact and building up the courage to be able to order from the Burger King employee at the window? I mean really, the sun’s rays are not that fucking strong? No one reading this lives in Calcutta or with Aborgines in the bush!!!
Honestly, if Dizzy Gilespie didnt go blind then you probably wont either.
I liken it to muslim women in burka’s who have everything covered but their eyes. SO now the men of the world have a choice between tanned ninjas and fucking “Spy vs. Spy” stunt doubles. I think I am going to go with the muslim chics then because at least with them I can tell when someone is staring at my package.
MMM, I LIKE URRR PACKAGE INFIDEL
It is well known that girls dress/accessorize for female approval (and most females love big sunglasses). When it comes to men, a woman is more concerned with capturing his attention then getting his fashion approval (unless you are André Leon Talley).
Since you have dedicated an entire blog entry on this topic, us ladies in big sunglasses have clearly captured your attention. And isn’t that the whole point? Peacock theory comes to mind…..