I need Receipt Rehab!! Everytime i reach in my pocket it feels like an office trash can or the bottom of a birdcage. Filled with papers and more papers. Yellow, pink, and what used to be white! Every pocket filled. Friendly reminders of how i wasted money on some shit just yesterday like “an all natural Fruit smoothie with extra boost.” Leaflets that make me do a double take at the price of some shit i previously took for granted (like toothpaste or raisins).
I need to train myself to throw these pointless pieces of paper away before shoving them in my pocket in the first place. Then I could avoid the shuffling through my pockets like a dimwit at the supermarket counter pulling the receipts out like they are acceptable currency. Ever so rarely you find one that is a similar texture to the money you have and end up pulling it out really confidently. How dumb do you look then! The register person probably assumes you are a well dressed homeless person or handing her a proof of reparations owed document.
These Tree Fetuses have no purpose if you are not writing an expense report. Stores should stop printing them,. and when I say “them”, I mean all those pointless duplicate copies: A merchant copy, customer copy, Entomologist copy. WTF? And you expect me to rummage through this to figure out which one to sign, which one to keep and which one to cross a line through the tip column on? I guess joke is on me though because they are all coming home with me at the end of the day. I will look on the bright side: should i happen to get lost in a forest i can leave a trail to learn how to get back and if it gets really bad i can eat them because we all know supermarket receipts are the second best option to groceries.
